How the Cookie Crumbles

An irreverant view of life after SIXTY-FIVE

Those Were the DAZE . . .


In September, 1970, I left my parents, friends and a good job to begin anew. My childhood girlfriend wasn’t happy with her job either so we were going to meet in a town half-way between. She reneged. I was on my own.

It wasn’t until January 1971 that I finally got a job. One of the girls I met there kept trying to get me to go out but I kept finding excuses not to. I relented when St. Paddy’s Day came along. That was the day I met my future husband for all the wrong reasons. I was 24 years old. And dumb. We finally married when I was 31. In the meantime, I should have taken notes, paid closer attention, caulked up the experience and moved forward. But I wasn’t with it. My head was in the clouds.

In 1977, I bought a house and we got married the following year. Notice, it was I. We had already lived together five years and at every opportunity, he found ways not to share expenses. He was a party boy, just the way I liked them: outgoing, good-looking, fabulously dressed. Big mistake. Dumb as well as blind, was I. Otherwise, I was brilliant but emotionally, not so much.

In 1978, we had a daughter. Fatherhood didn’t change him. Six St. Patrick Day celebrations later, I worried my daughter wasn’t living or experiencing a good family environment. Breaking up the family brought on large dollar-size bald spots all over my head. What woman wants to deal with that? Got a wig it was so bad. After being diagnosed, I decided I had to change my life before I lost all my hair. I called a lawyer and then told him to do the same.

He went an almost St. Patrick’s green. I couldn’t turn back although I felt guilt. This was about saving my daughter and me. Long story short, because he didn’t have a clue how to stand on his own two feet, he gained rights to stay in the my house in the Rec Room until the final decree. Another stressful arrangement.

My daughter will be 34 next month. I have been divorced 28 years. My daughter doesn’t expect much. He shows up for grandkids’ birthdays IF something better isn’t going on.  He told me about a year ago he’d made a big mistake concerning us. I am living in my third house. Through MY hard work. He’s been in an apartment since he finally had to leave.

Someone said he was crying ‘in his beer and how he’d screwed up royally’; wouldn’t I take him back; he’s so good looking too? This was from a woman who’d buried two husbands and was almost 80-year-old. What? Hand ANYone something I’ve worked for, for so long?  Please. Especially him?

Every St. Patrick’s Day, I like to lay low. I still like the celebration, but not for me.

About these ads

Author: Let's CUT the Crap!

I'm getting a little LONG in the tooth and have things to say about---ouch---AGEing. I believe it's certainly a state of mind but sometimes it's nice to hear that you're NORMAL. I enjoy reading by the truckload. I'm a grandma but I don't feel OLD although I'm not so young anymore. My plan is to stick it out as long as I can on this lovely planet and only will leave it kicking and screaming!

41 thoughts on “Those Were the DAZE . . .

  1. I’m so glad you and your daughter have each other. Glad you realized what you needed, and were able to do what you needed to do for yourself and your daughter. Great post–thank you for sharing your story.

    • Thank you for your lovely words. I appreciate your stopping by to comment.

      Sometimes I suppose we just do what we MUST. One foot in front of the other and worry about the rest later. When kids are involved, I think it makes you want a better life for them. They save YOU.

  2. Love your attitude and your style. :) Rock on!

    • I had no idea I had attitude. And style too? I like THAT. You’ve made my day, Elizabeth. Thank you for coming by and commenting. Nice to meet you.

      It is hard to let go and move on because you question your choice for a while. I know a couple of friends who have stayed in bad relationships even though the kids are grown up and married. What a waste of a life in today’s day and age too.

  3. I always liked the good looking bad boys. Fortunately I never married…

    • Thank you for taking the time to comment. There WAS a silver lining for me or maybe I should say FOUR: my daughter, her husband and two granddaughters. I still have a family. If I were ever interested in a relationship again, I’m sure I’d be drawn to another bad boy but after the first big mistake, I decided never again and haven’t had the temptation.

  4. You have a back bone of steel, lady. :)

    I was never the marrying kind, myself. I never met a man I wanted to marry until my late 40′s (met lots for other stuff, wink wink), but by then getting married was about as appealing as getting a root canal.

    Your daughter has a great role model.

    • I was silly. I guess I wanted to get married because everyone else was but I also wanted to lasso my particular choice. After we split, I never wanted to do it again. One good thing came out of that mistake: my daughter and now my granddaughters. Thanks for the compliment and thanks for writing but I wonder if we don’t just up and do what we MUSR to especially when children are involved. I was lucky that I had a steady job, otherwise I can’t imagine how that story would have turned out. Probably not good.

  5. Wow. It must be so hard when you have a child with someone as they are never completely out of your life, you always have to have that connection with them. Sounds like no one else has snatched him up in all this time!

    • Nope. He’s had a few relationships I’ve heard about but not snapped up yet except for a woman a couple of floors above / below him who slipped an envelope under his door and got things started. Been together long time but still separate apartments. She lets him use her car once in a while when he comes to visit the kids because the bus service here is terrible. Friends with benefits? Oh come ON, I had to get that out of the way. I get to see him family birthdays and some holidays. Treats me like a queen now. A lifetime too late. I don’t care anymore.

  6. September 1970 was clearly a significant month – you had a life changing move and I was born! It is hard when you have children with someone and so have to continue having them in your life in some way, I can certainly relate to that one.

    • How lovely that you were born September 1970. Welcome. I have three stories about September 30th. 1. I left my family and friends and moved here September 30th (1970)2. The closing date for my second house was: September 30th3. The closing date for selling my third hourse was September 30th None of this was planned except for the first move. Are you going to tell me you were born on September 30th? Yeah, I have to cross paths with my daughter’s dad at family gatherings like the grandkids birthdays, sometimes, Easter or Thanksgiving. I just wish one of us was invisible but I have won the Academy Award for acting more than once. Thanks for commenting. I appreciate hearing from you.

  7. You are a hero! He should indeed cry in his bear and may it always be green to remind him of what he wasted.

    Bah sometimes men are so silly.

    • You have such a soft shoulder. Thanks, Valentine, for your kind support. I agree with you. I did get my daughter out of the union for which I am most grateful. Now I also have two lovely granddaughters. Maybe there’s a reason for the good and the bad.

  8. Got to admire an independent woman. My mother was divorced when I was two, raised me without the help of my father, owned her own business and prospered. She found the right man for her at sixty-five, married again, is still independent and going strong. Thanks for a great post.

    • Your mom sounds like a SMART cookie. It’s heartwarming to heard she found the right man later in life. Now I am in AWE. Thanks so much for sharing and taking the time to stop by and comment. I appreciate it.

  9. What a jerk! Glad you kicked the guy out of YOUR house. You go girl!

    • Thank you. You ARE a doll! I’m glad I did too. I did everything myself anyway (not true, he did cut the grass so the neighbours could see what a manly man he was) so what did I need a freeloader for. I know of some who are still in a bad relationship even though the kids are grown up. Sad.

  10. Thank you for sharing that story. It’s definitely something a lot of girls have to be on the look out for. You are truly an example of an independent, strong woman. Congratulations on pulling through a hard situation.

    • Thanks so much. You are very kind. I must confess it was kind of on-the-job-training or learn-as-you-g0. And, if it hadn’t been for my daughter’s welfare, who knows. I do believe women are made of strong stuff. We don’t know how strong we are until the need arises. I just mentioned to another commentor that I’ve actually forgotten and the hardtimes. I’m just grateful for now.

  11. What a totally wonderful St Paddy’s day story you have. And telling it from your viewpoint of now, You absolutely know what a right decision it was then and got on with your life. I love it! And there ain’t nothing like living on your own – no one in your way but yourself (and, for me, my cats) – wouldn’t have it any other way!!!

    Happy green on ya, lassie…

  12. Thank you for sharing. I’ve never been fond of bad boys, but have made my own mistakes. I’m glad you took care of your daughter. Angie

    • Thanks, Angie. I’d say that has been my one weakness: bad boys but no longer. It took me a long time to work up enough stamina to make the break. If I didn’t have a child, I wonder if I would have left a lot later. Them’s the breaks but good things came of a bad choice.

  13. I think could almost share the feelings of those different St. Paddy’s days. Your strength and perseverence are inspiring … I made a similar bad choice when I was 20 ish. It was a miserable time for everyone involved. One summer day, I finally realized that ’til death do us part’ was coming up soon if I didn’t do something to help me and my kids. The last 7 years have been the hardest years, but also the most peaceful and rewarding of my life. Thank you for reminding me why we sometimes choose these roads we travel.

    • Thank YOU for commenting. I’m pleased to hear the last seven years have been peaceful and rewarding for you. For me it’s been over 25 years and it was a struggle BUT I don’t remember any of it now.Something like childbirth? Hmm. Well, maybe the money part. That was hard. Overcoming and surviving—euphoric! I wish you the best of the best. How many kids do you have? I only had one so it probably was easier for me and I did have a steady job. Otherwise, I can’t imagine the outcome. Keep writing. I love your blog and write me anytime. Tess

      • Overcoming the odds and making it on your own is definitely euphoric. I have three kids, but two are adults now, though my 18 year old is faking it still =) The third is my son, who is eleven, and he’s enough challenge for me at this point.

  14. Sometimes it takes almost FOREVER to see the truth. But we do eventually – usually just in time!

    • Yep, I guess so. Sometimes can’t see what’s in front of you for love nor money (no pun intended—since I had both love and a paycheck). What the heck happened to The Love of a Good Woman? (title of a short story collection by Canadian author Alice Munroe, again no pun intended). So nice to hear from you Nancy. Thanks for sharing an opinion.

  15. Ah, bless it woman, you already know you’re wonderful. I’ll just add to what everyone else is saying. A tough cookie never crumbles. Roll on… and enjoy. T

  16. love your name “cut the crap” and your honesty to match it perfectly!

  17. Wow Tess! This is a compelling and very brave story. I wish you and your whole world lots of joy :)

    • You are very kind. Thank you. I know what getting a divorce is like but when I heard that someone I didn’t know got the news from her husband out of the blue, well . . . I was itching to see what I could spin. Pat got the last laugh after all. I love being naughty. I like your post about your father. Your helplessness is evident. Hope he is well soon. Tess

I'm all ears. Tell it like it is.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,114 other followers