How the Cookie Crumbles

An irreverant view of life after SIXTY-FIVE

Swoon No More


Does anyone in this whole wide world dislike hate fruit flies like I do?

Fruit flies were everywhere yesterday, following me around it seemed. No fruits or vegetables anywhere. Why did they descend on me? Sure I ‘m apt to find a few in the kitchen during the warm summer weather now and again, as in past years, except last fall, we had hordes. I don’t expect a following to my favourite spot on the sofa, though, nor around my computer (which happens to be in my bedroom). No fruit or food in here either.

I smashed at least a dozen of the flying pests certain only one existed. As soon as I clapped one dead another one materialized. I couldn’t get any work done. And, one flew at my face. What? This made it personal. Did I mention I’m not dead yet and I can prove it? I’m like a frog—I’m so fast—but I don’t use a weird tongue to do the job. Who else is so talented to kill and applaud at the same time?

I half-filled a mug with sugar water and placed it on a side table by my desk. No captives to report in the past twenty-four hours. No race resulted, either,  to determine who craved my glass of wine first. I’m almost disappointed;  this is most unusual. You won’t believe it—I couldn’t either—a fruit fly in my COFFEE swam its last dead fly float! Have the fruit flies of the world joined AA?

Not so long ago, I remember house flies bu-z-z-z-z-ed. Of late, I notice they annoy the hell out of me but are mute. Fruit flies hung around my kitchen until last night but swoon over sugar water and wine no more. What’s happening? I thought technology was going to confuse me first not the silly bug world.

Tonight, a lone fruit fly came to visit. It had the nerve to land on the back of my wrist—bold as brass. Yes, I looked at it—for a millisecond, and let him have it. Later, a cousin or a spouse flew in.

How I hate washing my hands every five minutes but no trouble shall I have sleeping the good sleep yet again tonight.

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Author: Let's CUT the Crap!

I'm getting a little LONG in the tooth and have things to say about---ouch---AGEing. I believe it's certainly a state of mind but sometimes it's nice to hear that you're NORMAL. I enjoy reading by the truckload. I'm a grandma but I don't feel OLD although I'm not so young anymore. My plan is to stick it out as long as I can on this lovely planet and only will leave it kicking and screaming!

30 thoughts on “Swoon No More

  1. Fly away fly away.

    I am with you, hate all bugs but these are some of the worst. Though recently I was infested by moths, they are terrible too.

  2. According to legend, the tapas tradition in Spain began when the King of Castile, Alfonso the Wise visited a tavern in the town of Ventorillo del Chato in the province of Cádiz, and ordered a glass of sherry. There were a lot of fruit flies, so the innkeeper served him his glass covered by a slice of ham to prevent the pesky critters dropping in the drink. The King liked it, and when he asked for a second glass, he requested another tapa or ‘cover’ just like the first.

  3. The worst part is how you can be perfectly clean after one incident, but they’ll stay for months. Too much punishment for too little.

  4. I agree, fruit flies, house flies and mosquitos – we would be better off without them

  5. I’m sorry I laughed, I know they’re pesky :(

  6. The good thing is they DIDN’T like your wine! Who wants protein with the booze? Happy Canada Day/Fourth of July!

  7. Fruit Fllies joining AA, you had me giggling with suchan intense belly laugh it now hurts. OH MY Gosh Too funny.
    I despise pests in my house no matter. I leave them alone outside and expect that they have the good grace to respect my inside. But they don’t, no matter like you say if there is food or not.

    My kitty Truman (not really so much a kitty anymore 7 yrs old) is a good hunter, but for some reason he too finds annoyance with fruit flies. He looks at me and I can hear hom saying: Oh Bother!”
    The fruit flies win.

  8. As I read this I went to take a drink of coffee and, you guessed it, a fly was in the cup. I feel your pain.
    Having just returned from Spain, I loved Andrew Petcher’s tapa history. Wished I had known before I went to Spain. I could have impressed many.

  9. Fruit flies disgust and annoy me. Luckily they are my youngest cat’s favorite new toy.

  10. When my husband was in the second grade he put a pear in his desk (remember the ones with the top you could lift up?), and left it there for days. Every time he lifted the desk top he would let loose a swarm of fruit flies. The teacher was mystified where the fruit flies where coming from. He never let on.

  11. Hi Tess, I know how you feel! I love your creative solutions and your wry observations regarding the OFFP*. My sister used to work in a University of Michigan lab that did DNA testing with fruit flies, because they bred so quickly. Many a day I helped her scrape fruit fly carcasses off the bottle plugs to be reused for the next experiment, or mixed up the sickly sweet smelling molasses concoction that they fed to the fruit flies. We have one lone fruit fly at the moment that we can’t seem to make skin contact with–but who knows? Maybe they’re holed up in a rotten pear somewhere and are sending out scouts one at a time!

    *Obnoxious Fruit Fly Problem.

  12. You must be very sweet!

  13. I have had a couple of those critters recently. First time in all the years I have lived here. Bummer. I have had to do battle with ants though. The little tiny red ones–but I found a solution! Sage leaves and red pepper flakes. I put some behind the microwave and toaster and basket and the pests disappear. I had some earlier in the spring–first time in 2 or 3 years–put the stuff out and zap! so I know it works. No solution for FF’s though.

    BTW I tried your Tuna Salad. Was delicious. Gave some to my neighbor and she liked it, too. Definitely added to my good and easy recipes.

  14. Flies don’t tend to bother me for some reason, Tess, I must be a natural repellant!

  15. I’d so love to have your fruit fly problem rather than shivering here in winter :). But they certainly sound like cheeky brave critters.

  16. Yucky! I can’t stand any flies. They’re so thick skinned as well, they never get the hint however many times to swat them away or shout expletives at them!

  17. Flies–I can live with (I think)…but mosquitoes and wasps and hornets..they are the DEVIL!!!! I plan to stay inside inside until they leave my property–could be November! Wish me luck!

  18. They are worse than usual this summer, I find. Must be the heat.

  19. A friend of mine found a great solution, and I’m thinking of doing it myself: She purchased a Venus Flytrap for her kitchen window ledge. No more fruit flies!

  20. They love cologne and fragrance packed items like hair spray. Guess the choice is to be well groomed or well zoomed. Sorry.

  21. Roly sent me! I get lectures from my woodsy friend all the time about being compassionate to all God’s creatures – she picks up ants and traps flies, then sets them free outside. I swear, I can’t make this stuff up. My rule is, when they’re outside, they are God’s creatures. When they’re in my house, they are MEAT and will be destroyed. And you’re right – flies DID used to buzz. I’m sure some evil geneticist is behind this phenomenon!! Proud to be on Roly’s top five with you, hon. Amy Barlow Liberatore

  22. Where I live you can not take fruit over the border from one state to another. Do you have that there?

  23. Omigosh!
    I am in my office and everything is fine until I open up my food saver of fresh fruit!
    Where the heck do they. Come from? Do they just linger and wait?
    I never knew eating healthy would be such a pain!

  24. I have loads of ways to kill them. Natural, semi-natural and death squad. Which would you like?
    Red, your friendly exterminator.

  25. yeah, they’re so annoying! there am I trying to do the right thing, composting stuff etc…and the compost’s surrounded by these horrid little so and sos, getting up your nose and in your hair!

  26. Best. Post. Ever. I understand exactly what you mean, I DESPISE them. It is like I can never wash freshly purchased bananas enough.

I'm all ears. Tell it like it is.

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