How the Cookie Crumbles

Life in the fast and slow lanes after SIXTY-FIVE


Recently I had a mammogram. Each time I’ve gone through this “routine”, its felt like being squeezed and manipulated within an inch of my life. I felt like dough being pushed through a pasta machine. Quite a picture. It seems to depend on the technician too. Sometimes it’s fine. Other times, well . . . it’s, you know. Afterwards it feels like everyone can TELL where you’ve been.

Holding my breath while being gripped in a vice and standing at an awkward angle, barely touching the floor, isn’t pretty either. I happen to be on the short side. By the time I could breathe again, my lungs were screaming for air. I thought for sure I’d exhaled too soon and messed up the picture. I thought I’d have to do it all over again but it turned out fine.

A friend also had a mammogram recently. She’s what I’d call flat-chested and extremely slim. I happened to be thinking of her being put through the same paces and frankly I wondered how that could be managed.

I don’t know what made me ask (out loud) but suddenly it just popped out of my mouth:

“I’m not that well-endowed, but I wonder what happens when you have women who are flat-chested?

“Same thing,” the technician said matter-of-factly.

Huh? How can anyone stretch something that isn’t there and press it between two plates to get a digital picture? I don’t know what I was expecting to hear but her answer made me bite my lip. I felt my friend’s pain.

We know that men can have breast cancer too but they don’t go for mammograms, do they? If they did, um, I bet they would have gentler technicians, warmer hands, climate controlled rooms and some other modus operandi. Isn’t that the way it seems to go?


Author: Let's CUT the Crap!

I'm getting a little LONG in the tooth and have things to say about---ouch---AGEing. I believe it's certainly a state of mind but sometimes it's nice to hear that you're NORMAL. I enjoy reading by the truckload. I'm a grandma but I don't feel OLD although I'm not so young anymore. My plan is to stick it out as long as I can on this lovely planet and only will leave it kicking and screaming!

9 thoughts on “

  1. Yup. Someone once told me to get ready by slamming the refrigerator door on myself. That about says it.


  2. I have not had to endure this yet (couple more years to go…), but I am not looking forward to it, especially with the current [lack of] technology! Yes, you’d think someone – woman perhaps? – would come up with some way of leaving us the same way we came in! 🙂


  3. Yes, indeed! There is nothing like a good smash-o-gram.


  4. My response to your awesome post was the same as my response to my first mammogram over 40 years ago…I giggled and laughed…and I just about cried. 🙂

    Thank you so much for putting into words what I have long thought….if men had to have them, it would be a kinder, gentler procedure. 🙂

    And I LOVE the cartoon.
    I’ll be following your blog now…hope you will have the time to look at mine:


  5. Yikes! I keep putting off the appointment. Maybe I should have my husband go with me? Start the education process?


Some things in life are complicated. Let's keep it simple.

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