How the Cookie Crumbles

Life and scribbles on the far side of SIXTY-FIVE

Father’s Day Appreciation Day


This is not the celebration as you know it or expect to read about here.

Since my divorce and my daughter was old enough to put two and two together (during her latter teen years), she surprised me with a Father’s Day card one year and a new tradition was born.

“The way I see it, “she told me, “you’ve been both a mother and father to me. Like consistent—you know.”

If it hadn’t been for her future husband explaining she should have a relationship with her father, no matter how good or bad it was, she would have cut off all communication with her father around age sixteen.

“Later, you may be sorry you didn’t have one,” he’d explained to her.

Today as in past years, her father has been invited, as well as her husband’s father and remaining grandfather, to a celebratory barbeque for this special day (upstairs).

I forgot I hadn’t received my usual Father’s Day card until my daughter came downstairs and knocked on my door around 3:30 p.m., carrying a tray. Although I was looking right at her, for some reason I couldn’t focus on what she held.

“What do you have there?” I asked.

As she put each item on my dining-room table, I began to see: a hamburger in a bun, a sausage in a  bun, pasta and bean salads and coleslaw on a plate, a cupcake with whipped cream and quartered strawberry, an Oreo Tiramisu— and a cold beer!

She’d brought the celebration downstairs.

I cried when she hugged me. I had trouble letting go.

“I love you,” she told me, “and all you have done for me. Happy Father’s Day.”

I couldn’t stop blubbering—more this year than last—and the year before that.


Author: Let's CUT the Crap!

I'm getting a little LONG in the tooth and have things to say about---ouch---AGEing. I believe it's certainly a state of mind but sometimes it's nice to hear that you're NORMAL. I enjoy reading by the truckload. I'm a grandma but I don't feel OLD although I'm not so young anymore. My plan is to stick it out as long as I can on this lovely planet and only will leave it kicking and screaming!

36 thoughts on “Father’s Day Appreciation Day

  1. You must have done something right and now you’re rewarded. That is the sweetest thing I ever heard. I’m blubbering too…


  2. It sounds like you have brought up a wonderful daughter!


  3. This is a wonderful daughter you have it appears you did many things right. My husband calls his mother every Fathers Day to thank her. I understand why.


  4. What a great daughter.
    What a great mother!


  5. And now I’m blubbering! Happy Father’s day!


  6. That is the SWEETEST thing I’ve ever heard, as she wipes her own tear away.


  7. There’s nothing better in life than knowing you raised a great kid….kudos 🙂


  8. Dear Tess, what a lovely story, what a lovely daughter, what a sweet tradition! Oh, my, you made my day.


  9. This is a great story – upstairs or downstairs :)!


  10. I raised my kids for a lot of years alone, too, and this brought some tender and poignant memories of Father’s Day past!

    I love her menu! What fun!


  11. Awww that was so sweet! I was worried that she got caught up in the moment and forgot.


  12. Aw, how sweet! I’m glad she recognizes your worth 🙂


  13. Sometimes traditions change — and become more meaningful. Hallmark doesn’t have the lock on sentiment! For Mother’s Day this year, I decided to send my kids ‘reverse Mother’s Day’ cards…thanking them for being such great kids and allowing me to (still) share in their lives.


  14. Wow. You made me cry just reading this.

    I’m divorced from my daughter’s father and they have a rather tepid relationship. She discovered some years after the divorce (which happened when she was 18) that whether she talked to her father or not, she would always have a ‘relationship’ with him. She chose to take the high ground and be polite and pleasant. He has a very detached relationship with the grandchildren. But why should that surprise me? He had a very detached relationship with his own daughter.

    My now-husband raised his two children after his wife left. They always celebrated Mother’s Day with him. So, yes. Kids are pretty darn smart about these things. It sounds like your daughter has a big heart, just like her mother.


    • How wonderful to have a now-husband with whom his children celebrate Mother’s Day. I LOVE it. I had another commenter have a similar story. Kids are smarter than sometimes we give them credit for. Thank you for sharing.


  15. That’s an interesting take on Fathers Day. It’s lovely that she thinks of you as both mother and father – but sad for her father, I guess. Where was he on the bad father scale? (which goes I think from work-obsessed not-very-interested but loves you dad thru totally crap but loves you dad down to scarily abusive dad not even his dog likes)


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  17. My children lost their dad at 8 and 9 years of age. My daughter calls me every Father’s Day and wishes me a happy day. Love it!


  18. How lovely is that! You have such a very precious gift, a daughter who really loves and appreciates you. 😉


  19. I knew it. I see it in your eyes. A toaster to you on this special day. Happy Ma-ther Day!


  20. While I enjoyed the story I hope I am never in the same position, I always want to be daddy to my kids, and I will never stop working at it… CS


  21. Our children tell us some of the strangest wisdoms. Let’s us know we did a decent job raising them. My littlest ones gave me a Father’s Day card this year. We skipped it last year (no school to tell them otherwise) since it was only the second after their father died.


  22. So much love! Lots to you dear Tess! 🙂


Some things in life are complicated. Let's keep it simple.

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