How the Cookie Crumbles

An irreverant view of life after SIXTY-FIVE

A Lady and the Tramp


I’ve lived alone too long. No. I’m not whining about being lonely, depressed or bored. Are you kidding? I like love my freedom: I get up when I want, I do what I want, and generally, get away with what I want.

I read the paper every morning with my coffee after I’ve had all the zz’s I need, or I did until recently.

My new cat starts my day by flexing her nails, jamming them into my mattress and stroking my bed skirt. RRrr-i-p, R-iii-pp. She pretends she’s scared but comes peeking around the dresser after two flicks of her tail to check how much progress the lump on the bed has made. I swear I hear her heaving with silent laughter. Her goal is breakfast—NOW—at 6:10 a.m.

I’m a normal retired lady, old enough to make my own decisions, dammit, and nobody’s going to make me change. I’m not getting up before 7:00 a.m. I steal two extra minutes of quiet before the tramp in Lady Gaga charges again. This time she uses her claws to climb my sofa. For whatever reason, hanging off the floor using only her front claws before pushing herself up with her hind legs, nails flexed for better impetus, makes Lady G. much too happy.

She reads me like I’m made of glass.

“Stop it! I’m coming already.”

I don’t often watch television, but occasionally I throw caution to the wind, pour a glass of wine and hope to watch a decent movie to r-e-l-a-x, to give my fingers and brain a rest, (but not my lap). Nope, Lady Gaga has made it clear, my lap belongs to her. I don’t get to do what I want much anymore.

Most days / evenings find me clicking away on my keyboard or surfing the net, reading, or commenting in the blogosphere among other favourite projects. The sleek and trim Lady G. is tired of sleeping and must jump on my lap to wash the sleep out of her marble-size eyes. On second thought, she gives herself an attention-seeking bath like she’s the centre of the universe. Why she must lean on my forearm to take another nap afterwards is beyond me.

I’m such a soft touch, I let her snooze for five minutes or so, (plus, plus) while petting her gently on the top of the head the way she prefers. Sometimes, I get to practice one-finger typing with my left hand while I wait. It’s tedious as hell and slow to boot, but I don’t mind. I’m a woman of a certain age, old enough to make my own decisions dammit, and nobody’s going tomake me change.

I think I’ll take her for a manicure (but not a pedicure); I don’t want her to get the idea I’m a big spender—not big enough to afford a new sofa anytime soon.

Author: Let's CUT the Crap!

I'm getting a little LONG in the tooth and have things to say about---ouch---AGEing. I believe it's certainly a state of mind but sometimes it's nice to hear that you're NORMAL. I enjoy reading by the truckload. I'm a grandma but I don't feel OLD although I'm not so young anymore. My plan is to stick it out as long as I can on this lovely planet and only will leave it kicking and screaming!

42 thoughts on “A Lady and the Tramp

  1. As the servant of my three cats – no my time is not mine. My cats all came to me declawed in the front. So scratching isn’t a problem.

    However, my friends who have cats that have front claws have been happy with softclaws. ( ) A vet puts them for one of my friends but another does them herself. They do save a fortune in furniture.


    • Wow. Life and learn! I’ve never heard of these. What a fabulous idea but I’m getting a manicure for Lady G. next week. All my cats have had them. They still like to ‘pretend’ to scratch things after they’re done and for years. Thank you for the info. I wonder if cats try to chew soft claws off. . .


  2. So this is why you knew that I didn’t know what I was up against. You are well versed in the way of cats. I am but a novice/cat-sitter.


    • I had this experience a hundred years ago and I laughed when I wrote you, but figured I was way too dramatic, but, I’m not surprised your M-I-L’s cat is “territorial “She wanted HER bed–not news–(did someone say it’s just about dogs? na na, nananana-na ….)

      Sorry to hear you lost sleep though.


    • I also had this same experience in the past two weeks.I’ve never had it this bad. Our first four cats were not renegades…or tramps…or gypsies…or trying to make a name for themselves…


  3. Lady G knows exactly how to be spoiled!!


  4. LOL Lady Gaga has you well and truly attuned to her needs, wants and desires:)


  5. Oh, so sweet! She has taken over – at least your heart!:)


  6. Oh, Tess…you’ve joined the ranks of the pet-dominated households. I know whereof I speak…I’ve been ‘held hostage’ by my pooch and many birds for years. But such a wonderful, rewarding imprisonment.


    • Hi Laurie. I’ve had budgies, and cats. My daughter is the dog person but at her house (and a cat). I’m partial to cats. Just seems for a lost and found hobo, Lady G. sure made herself comfortable lickety-split. I’m not looking forward to her manicure though.


  7. We G’s can be incredibly manipulative!


  8. Tabitha just woke me up at 5.50, same aim, breakfast… Thats all I am too her, that thing that gives her food I think:)


  9. My cat slams his head into mine when he feels it’s time to get up. But only after he spends 10 minutes breathing directly into my ear, sounding very much like Darth Vader.


  10. Our overzealous three year old was the only force our cat has ever learned to reckon with – everyone and everything else was worthy of only a yawn. Both of them have had their share of swipes and scratches… Meow! Nice post😀


  11. I have had cats for years, love them to death. They are spoiled and demanding. They are also declawed in front, I don’t think they or I would survive otherwise.


  12. Puddytats rule! But they’re ever so sympathetic when you’re having a cry, I find.


  13. Those of us who are owned by cats can relate…😀


  14. I have nominated you for a Versatile Blogger Award. Go to to collect you award and then nominate 15 others and share 7 things about yourself.


  15. Hahaha….I love it. You tell a story like no one else! What is it they say about dog owners and cat owners? The cat’s the Master or Mistress of the house!
    I’m so glad her nails aren’t going into YOU! Does she like catnip? Oh, but that would make her scratch more, I guess! I’ve always been a dog owner, due to allergies. But my son and DIL raise foster kittens for the humane society and I have fallen deeply in love with those little babies! No need for TV!!😉 Great post, Tess!


    • Thanks, Jay. Nice of you to drop in. You are too kind. Sometimes I DO have to protect myself from her eager nails. One week tomorrow and she’ll have her manicure– no more need to worry. I’ve noticed my furniture cringes when she thinks, “Ah, a good place for a scratch”. My daughter brought my Lady G a large jar of catnip the day I brought her home, but it does nothing for her so far.


  16. This makes me glad I’m a dog person. :-)


  17. Lol. I should introduce you and Gaga to my Aunt and her new cat Moses. He has turned her life upside down. She gripes, but gives in. I can’t imagine a time when I would do that, but you never know. My husband on the other hand. . . You and LG enjoy:) Angie


  18. Hi Tess, I used to have a cat that would bite me in the armpit to wake me up when she thought it was time for breakfast–around 6AM! Still, I loved that kitty. Good luck with your little lady.


    • Ouch! My Lady G seems to like ‘kissing’ my T-shirt armpits and then going to sleep. I don’t understand why this habit. Maybe she wasn’t weaned properly. Anyway, she’s settling in as am I. Thanks for sharing. I love hearing varied memories, suggestions and ideas.


  19. Loooooooooooved this!

    You. Rock. Like. Gaga!

    what a great name for your kitty Kat! ❤


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