How the Cookie Crumbles

An irreverant view of life after SIXTY-FIVE

Grandma is a VAMP!

54 Comments


Grandma hasn’t lost her touch.

Hot Damn. You don’t believe this, do you? You should.

Thursday night she dusted off her FOUR-inch heels and donned a short dress–yes, it was above her knees and in an animal print. She put on her biggest earrings. Party time, she hummed.

Short by two months, it’s been six years since she retired. Without ruining the mystery, whatever needed strapping down, firming up, wrapping tightly, polishing, spackling, refinishing, colouring, and powdering, went off as smoothly as if Michelangelo was in the house.

Getting There

Grandma left in plenty of time for cocktails at 5:30 p.m. The occasion, if you’re wondering, was the 100th birthday of her last employer. In addition, this was also the induction of one hundred and seventy-six MORE, 25- and 40-year employees. .

The only venue to accommodate such a mammoth crowd was easy to find. Except for maintenance work here and major roadwork there, necessitating a couple of detours and a few frayed nerves, the drive went smoothly, considering it was rush hour. Still, she was only a mite perturbed.

Grandma arrived according to instructions, but the parking lot was fenced off. “Where are we all supposed to park?” she muttered. “What kind of planning is this?” The building’s marquee advertised a huge presentation two days hence. “But the parking lot is ripped up”, she grumbled, “How will they manage in time?”

Another sign with a recognizable logo and arrow pointed to a side-street up ahead. An on-duty policeman directed traffic and asked questions. “Follow the signs,” he said.

The parking lot looked full. Grandma hadn’t had this much stress or excitement since attending a 60th birthday party a year before. Parking is always a devil, isn’t it?

This wasn’t menopause by a long shot, yet she felt hot; perspiring and praying she didn’t embarrass herself by having a nosebleed—something to do with altitude. Luckily–she noticed–this last parking spot.

On four-inch-heels, she sprinted out of her car to the waiting bus—a luxury model– seats ran around the perimeter of the walls and windows like a l-o-n-g limousine (car) does.

After a sweet rideto the venue, old history showed  itself: for some, time had hardly passed;  for others, it had galloped away.

o 0 o

If you think I am crowing, you’re right. I felt grrr-eat. Thursday night I even noticed recognized a few lots of older than Adam and=Eve types ogling me without a health plan and I worried I’d be the reason for their demise without knowing where the Health and Safety Department was located.

0 0 o

Grandma is ME. I had a great time visiting my old friends and even if I pat myself on the back, I have more vim, vigor and vitality than those who are supposed to be my equals (age-wise).

Can you stand three hours in four-inch heels? I did! Yes–I won’t lie–I suffered for about a day afterwards, but hey I’m out of practice.

Yep, it’s ALL  about the shoes and the dress—and holding it together.

I’ve  still got it and proud I do. Fooled you. Fooled me too!

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Author: Let's CUT the Crap!

I'm getting a little LONG in the tooth and have things to say about---ouch---AGEing. I believe it's certainly a state of mind but sometimes it's nice to hear that you're NORMAL. I enjoy reading by the truckload. I'm a grandma but I don't feel OLD although I'm not so young anymore. My plan is to stick it out as long as I can on this lovely planet and only will leave it kicking and screaming!

54 thoughts on “Grandma is a VAMP!

  1. Wonderful news. You GO, girl! I don’t know that I ever rocked it in 4-inch heels, but if I could, you know I would! Isn’t retirement great–nice to see everyone again but nice to know you don’t have to show up at the salt mines the next day. Great post!

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    • Hey there, Sylvia. NICE to hear from you. I believe I’m still feeling the altitude and high from the other night.Thank goodness I didn’t get nosebleed up on those stilettoes.

      Retirement is awesome especially since I now do only what I want. I volunteer in a bookstore one shift a week but that’s so much better than the ‘salt mines’. I finally have my cat co-operating and not meowing her fool head off because she thinks breakfast should be instant. She’s quiet till the alarm goes off. Good enough for me.

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  2. Go glamorous grandma! I have no idea how you managed those heels but I bet you looked fab – any photos?

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    • Hi Gilly. I had it all setup with my daughter to take photos before I went out but with all that spackling, tugging, pushing up and pushing down etc. to look presentable, I ran late and had to beg off. Maybe another time.

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  3. Nothing quite like a pair of heels for a pick me up – physically and mentally 😉
    Glad you had a fab time at the party Tess!
    And of course you’ve still got it!!

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    • Either I still do have it or those durn shoes was majick. I can’t wait to wear them again to see if they’ve a one night deal. Ha ha. I don’t have much opportunity for 4-inch killers. Thank you, Ghia, for coming by.

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  4. Never a fool shall I be. I never doubted you girl! But it is soo awesome to see you “strutt your stuff”

    Somehow Tess you have never struck me as a roll up the sleeves and settle into a sedentary life.

    You should know too that I may be less than your age number but you strutt circles around this Barefoot Baroness. I have never even wore a pair of 4″ heels. In fact heels and I never got a long.

    So if I said I Hope You Dance, I so know you do!!

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    • Thanks so much, BB. I’ve never been so full of vim, vigor or vitality before retirement. I guess I’m simply doing the things that make me happy. You’d never believe I was once a wallflower…even I can barely believe it.

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      • I just think you are a Rock Star. I hope Tess that I continue to have the same zest for life and all things that feed the soul as I continue moving forward in life You are in inspiration to me.
        I understand the wallflower thing. I often say I am a late bloomer as I find I am just coming into my authentic self. So I relate.

        You keep those shoes dusted off girl and that dress freshly pressed.. ah. not to be confused with WP freshly pressed.. 😉

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  5. Well done you. It sounds like the event really boosted your self esteem.
    I also don’t do heels but admire those who can and do 🙂

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    • I’ve worn heels my entire working life. When I retired I wondered how I would manage to walk without them. I bought some boot-like shoes with a cuban type heel so I wouldn’t be running around in flats. That’s what gave me a bad back, walking in flats. Thanks for the support, Optie.

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  6. Nothing like four inch heels to make a woman feel great! I try to explain this to Gill and still she wears Birkenstocks to most events…we know how to live, don’t we? What’s a sore back in the general scheme of things?

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    • Isn’t that the truth about the shoes making you feel like a million bucks (the newly minted kind not the used bills). Truth be told, which surprised the heck out of me, is my back was fine. What hurt was about an inch below my toes but it was WORTH it. Thanks, Laurie. Did I mention these shoes had a zipper in back, which I found to be a total turn on. Who knew?

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  7. “Time had galloped away”? Funny.

    And I know you’re holding real steady in your 4-inch heels and all. Least you’d better be, else you won’t be galavanting all over town like a sex kitten in your animal print.

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  8. Lady, you are smokin’ hot! Love them shoes 🙂

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  9. Grandma is a hottie! You go girl! I love the shoes and the dress, and I am sure you looked amazing! 🙂

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  10. You are my twin sister for sure! Screw comfort!

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    • Hi Nancy. Actually, I was lucky until the end of the evening. I shouldn’t have taken a seat during the presentation. Standing for three hours gave me a little grief but you’re right the shoes did the trick…they have this zipper in the back…

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  11. Yeouch.

    The heels are killer…and so is the dress!

    I bet you rocked that look!

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    • Thank you, Jenny. I sure FELT I rocked. It was all about the shoes. They have a zipper in the back. Simply thinking about it (the zipper) gave me the shivers–gave me LOTS of confidence, or sparkle, or something.

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  12. Way to go! You are my inspiration for aging. I hope to be rockin’ heels and a dress like that until I drop!

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  13. Hey, can I borrow that outfit sometime? I love it and love the post!

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  14. It sounds like you had a wonderful time and provided some eye candy for several folks. You’ve still got it. What a great feeling. It was so much fun to read this post!

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  15. Go you, Tess! Glad you had a good time – that makes everything worth it!

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  16. Never doubted you for a moment…lol

    Be encouraged!

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  17. You rock!! I just moved my 88 year old mother into assisted living and, when going through her stuff, found a similar pair of shoes…going to deliver them to her new pad tomorrow! She can use them to wear to the dining room, where she’ll bump into the man who showed up in his red, silk pajamas the other day. Retired is the new 40…

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  18. I figure that the only thing missing from this posting is ‘You’ in your finery, indeed this is a wonderful story and rather naughty of you to hide the reality from us until right at the end, but this is what makes a wickedly orchestrated tale, and I have enjoyed reading this one Tess.

    I know that I am new to your Space so I hope that my references regarding the picture of you does not offend, in truth I think that you are a true Vamp and why not, as age is just a number 🙂

    Androgoth

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    • Androgoth, thank you. No offense taken. I had planned a photo-op, but with all the ‘work’ required to pull together this dazzling grandma, it took longer than I had planned. I had to fly sans history making proof of self and wicked stilettos.

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  19. Wow! Hope you have a great time.

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  20. Well done Tess! Bet you were stupendous!

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  21. You were workin’ it! Glad that you had fun.

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  22. How grand. Loved the line, time had hardly passed; for others, it had galloped away. What a hoot. Keep on rocken them babe.

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  23. Lol. Glad you had a good time 🙂

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  24. Oh, Tess, you made me smile from ear to ear, you sassy Grandma! I stopped wearing heels decades ago, but now you got me thinking about animal prints! You are truly an inspiration!

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  25. The animal print dress looks so perfect! Stylish and vampish but subdued because of the shift style. Understated, which is always so elegant! What a great start to the night! I bet you looked gorgeous! 🙂

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  26. Good for you. I am sure you ROCKED those heels. You are a cool grandma.

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  27. I am just calling by to have
    another read of this one, you
    naughty Vamp you 🙂 lol

    Androgoth

    Like

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