Grandma is a VAMP!

October 2, 2012 by Let's CUT the Crap! 54 Comments

Grandma hasn’t lost her touch.

Hot Damn. You don’t believe this, do you? You should.

Thursday night she dusted off her FOUR-inch heels and donned a short dress–yes, it was above her knees and in an animal print. She put on her biggest earrings. Party time, she hummed.

Short by two months, it’s been six years since she retired. Without ruining the mystery, whatever needed strapping down, firming up, wrapping tightly, polishing, spackling, refinishing, colouring, and powdering, went off as smoothly as if Michelangelo was in the house.

Getting There

Grandma left in plenty of time for cocktails at 5:30 p.m. The occasion, if you’re wondering, was the 100^th birthday of her last employer. In addition, this was also the induction of one hundred and seventy-six MORE, 25- and 40-year employees. .

The only venue to accommodate such a mammoth crowd was easy to find. Except for maintenance work here and major roadwork there, necessitating a couple of detours and a few frayed nerves, the drive went smoothly, considering it was rush hour. Still, she was only a mite perturbed.

Grandma arrived according to instructions, but the parking lot was fenced off. “Where are we all supposed to park?” she muttered. “What kind of planning is this?” The building’s marquee advertised a huge presentation two days hence. “But the parking lot is ripped up”, she grumbled, “How will they manage in time?”

Another sign with a recognizable logo and arrow pointed to a side-street up ahead. An on-duty policeman directed traffic and asked questions. “Follow the signs,” he said.

The parking lot looked full. Grandma hadn’t had this much stress or excitement since attending a 60th birthday party a year before. Parking is always a devil, isn’t it?

This wasn’t menopause by a long shot, yet she felt hot; perspiring and praying she didn’t embarrass herself by having a nosebleed—something to do with altitude. Luckily–she noticed–this last parking spot.

On four-inch-heels, she sprinted out of her car to the waiting bus—a luxury model– seats ran around the perimeter of the walls and windows like a l-o-n-g limousine (car) does.

After a sweet rideto the venue, old history showed  itself: for some, time had hardly passed;  for others, it had galloped away.

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If you think I am crowing, you’re right. I felt grrr-eat. Thursday night I even noticed recognized a few lots of older than Adam and=Eve types ogling me without a health plan and I worried I’d be the reason for their demise without knowing where the Health and Safety Department was located.

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Grandma is ME. I had a great time visiting my old friends and even if I pat myself on the back, I have more vim, vigor and vitality than those who are supposed to be my equals (age-wise).

Can you stand three hours in four-inch heels? I did! Yes–I won’t lie–I suffered for about a day afterwards, but hey I’m out of practice.

Yep, it’s ALL  about the shoes and the dress—and holding it together.

I’ve  still got it and proud I do. Fooled you. Fooled me too!