How the Cookie Crumbles

Life and scribbles on the far side of SIXTY-FIVE

Sunday Snippets Blog Hop #3

18 Comments


Check it out! Jennifer Eaton of http://jennifermeaton.com/sunday-snippets/ has initiated this Critique Blog Hop. Read the rules and sign up. Sounds like a fun way to get good feedback.

sunday_snippets2

I offer these next 250 words from Leap of Faith. The beginning can be found here: https://letscutthecrap.wordpress.com/2013/02/03/sunday-snippets/

* * *

“That new girl, Irene, is stealing from everyone. No-one lost anything until she arrived.”

Olivia, Reddy’s mother, cut thick slices of crusty olive bread. She stirred a thick zuppa on the stove and filled shallow bowls for their supper. With shaking head and busy hands, she watched father and daughter sparing, but kept quiet.

Everett put his hands on his hips and copied Reddy’s hand toss. He rolled his eyes and sat down at the wood kitchen table. “It’s up to the teacher to right this, not you. Come sit.”

The room was too small even for the miniature table, let alone a man of his girth. Her mother set down a bowl in front of Reddy and brushed the short coiling wisps of hair which framed her face. “Mia bella,” her mother whispered, sat down and crossed herself. “Nel nome del padre,” she began…

After supper, hours of daylight still remained before the sun withdrew into the horizon. Her father excused himself from the table. Reddy bounced her knee up and down beneath it. Her mother tightened her lips as she cleared the dishes away. “Come, Rosalia.”

Reddy groaned and slumped in her chair. “Okay, Mama, I’ll help with the dishes, but can I go outside for a while after? It’s still light out. Please.”

Mother and daughter eyed each other. Reddy hated this tug of war between them. “Small time,” her mother said as she pinched her thumb and forefinger together.
Reddy dashed out of the back door.

* * *

Click on over to these great writers to check out and critique what they’ve posted!

http://mermaidssinging.wordpress.com/

http://caitlinsternwrites.wordpress.com/

http://ileandrayoung.com

http://wyrmflight.wordpress.com/

http://www.mandyevebarnett.com

http://womanbitesdog.wordpress.com/

http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com

http://jennifermeaton.com/

http://richardleonard.wordpress.com

http://jordannaeast.com

https://letscutthecrap.wordpress.com

http://threepiecebikini.blogspot.com/

http://itsjennythewren.wordpress.com/

http://writerscrash.blogspot.co.uk/

http://wehrismypen.wordpress.com

http://wordsbreathedupon.wordpress.com/blog/

Advertisements

Author: Let's CUT the Crap!

I'm getting a little LONG in the tooth and have things to say about---ouch---AGEing. I believe it's certainly a state of mind but sometimes it's nice to hear that you're NORMAL. I enjoy reading by the truckload. I'm a grandma but I don't feel OLD although I'm not so young anymore. My plan is to stick it out as long as I can on this lovely planet and only will leave it kicking and screaming!

18 thoughts on “Sunday Snippets Blog Hop #3

  1. I can see the little girl’s leg jumping up and down impatiently 😉
    Still a good story so far Tess 😉

    Like

  2. I see you using italics two different ways–emphasis, and to indicate non-English language. Maybe you should indicate these things differently?
    Tiny detail–I think you mean they’re “sparring” not “sparing.”
    I like the body language between mother and daughter. You can tell they don’t see eye to eye.
    And dad’s definitely not helping. 🙂

    Like

    • Hmm. How do I do that? The non-English SHOULD be italicized, but how do I emphasize the odd word word here and there? Any suggestions, because I really have no idea?

      You are correct, thank you, Caitlin, regarding the sparring (typo here). I now believe sparring is too stronga word and not correct here. I appreciate your feedback. Thank you.

      Do you have any thoughts about Reddy’s name? Like? Dislike? Cute little chip off the old block (dad)?

      Like

  3. She rushed out of the door prior to helping & eating? Continuity here I believe? Maybe use some internal dialogue to show she is anxious to leave while doing the dishes?

    Like

  4. Good scene. Still want to know more about where this story is going, and I know that’s frustrating with only 250 words. Tiny error: Reddy asks to go outside AFTER she helps with the dishes but runs out the door when her mom agrees she can play for a little bit. I don’t know if that’s on purpose or not, but it was just something that stuck out to me.

    Like

  5. How are Reddy and her father sparring? Is this just there emotional sparring?

    I like the emotions between the three. What you have gotten thus far as feedback are the only things I would have pointed out to you Tess.

    Like

    • Hi Valentine. Hm. I suppose, now that I look at it, sparring is too strong a word and incorrect. He’s teasing her, making fun, while she is serious. Back to the drawing board. This is why I like feedback. I’m pleased you took the time to comment. Thank you.

      Like

  6. I enjoyed the cultural details and especially the cuisine that brought the family’s surroundings to life. You catch the tension between parents and child very well, with the daughter pushing her fences by leaving before she actually did her chores. Very small correction, “sparring” has a double R.

    Like

    • Thank you for your sharp eyes. Sparring is a typo and I see I blew it on the daughter running out before helping with the dishes. My idea was she had done them first to use as leverage to RUN. Back to the drawing board. I appreciate your comments.

      Like

Some things in life are complicated. Let's keep it simple.

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s