Jennifer Eaton of http://jennifermeaton.com/sunday-snippets/ initiated this Critique Blog Hop. Post the first 250 words of a work in progress, check out the rules and join us. Other submissions are at the bottom of this post.
Today’s snippet is a continuation of The Devil’s Game, the initial offering is here: https://letscutthecrap.wordpress.com/2013/05/05/sunday-snippets-blog-hop-9/
As always, I welcome your input.
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They regarded me with inquisitive eyes as I danced around them.
“You need to use the bathroom, dear? Mrs. Swain bent toward me as far as her arthritic back could stretch.
Short Mrs. Pinto touched my shoulder, “Is everything all right, little Melania?”
“No, Mrs. Swain. I’m okay, Mrs. Pinto. Have you seen Ma in the P&G?”
“Yes, Melania, I think she is in line to pay…”
“Thank you, Mrs. Swain. Bye.” I stopped hopping and rushed up the sidewalk, through P&G’s door and smack into Ma. She swerved into the wide pillar behind her. At her side she clutched the partially filled carpetbag.
“Ma, Mrs. Fournier is looking after Caterina. She says come home quick.”
“What is it, Melania?” A strange light flashed in my mother’s eyes.
“I don’t know.”
Ma grabbed the checkout girl’s forearm. “You take.” She heaved the cloth bag with wooden handles at her. “I come and pay. Must go home now. Importante.”
Her hand icy and arm taunt, I dragged Ma for three endless blocks. I stole a peek at her bloodless face. Her eyes were closed and her lips moved without sound.
“Come on Ma, we’re almost there.”
I dashed ahead to open the door. Ma wheezed in behind me. Mrs. Fournier grabbed her arm as we stumbled inside, pulled her into the bedroom, and slammed the door. I hunched forward with my ear against the wood.
“You husband, Mrs. Evrett…accident in mine…”
“Mine? The gold mine? My Everett? Where my husband per favore?”
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