https://letscutthecrap.wordpress.com/2014/01/17/dust-to-dust/ https://letscutthecrap.wordpress.com/2014/01/24/dust-to-dust-part-2/
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Part 3
I decided I’m worth it and it’s more for my family’s benefit than for mine. I spent more than originally planned because I hadn’t taken into account certain aspects of my send-off. These are the Services and Supplies Section in Canadian dollars:
Additional Services requested and/or Required:
Only my family will see me prior to cremation. A memorial service will be held instead. Whatever happens I figure I won’t look that great so why take the chance at a bad review? You must always keep them guessing especially if you haven’t seen your friends in a while. I have set aside money for a reception and a balance remain, it will be returned to my family.
As well, should you be a traveler, consider a Worldwide Travel Assistance Plan. I purchased mine for a one-time fee of $525.00 no matter how many trips I take. It can be expensive if a loved one is stuck with this additional cost. In my case, this covers the details of handling all the necessary documents, including consular services if outside Canada. One toll-free call can be made by family or funeral director to begin the process of bringing you home in the event of death. That’s all of it now.
Hope this is helpful when you consider your own prearrangement.
How the Cookie Crumbles 
January 31, 2014 at 7:07 pm
You are one organized lady and living up to your blog name my friend. I hope now that the arrangements are made it is time for living? Sending positive energy to you.
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February 1, 2014 at 3:11 pm
I’m going on a trip, remember? Shush. Not a word still it’s time. 🙂
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January 31, 2014 at 7:13 pm
I must try and get a breakdown of my parents costs. I am gob smacked at catering expenses, the advertisement … Goodness so expensive? You are doing well and on track lovey, now what you have to concentrate on is living & enjoying yourself? 🙂 x
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February 1, 2014 at 3:10 pm
The advertisement is for two appearances ($250 each). My Mom’s cost over $700.00!
Not knowing how many people to expect is the problem. Then you decided whether it’s a hot meal or sandwiches. Money not used will be returned to my daughter.
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January 31, 2014 at 7:32 pm
Had to pay $100 extra for night time body pick up
Had to pay storage fee because they have to have state permission to cremate first so they can run up bill a week or less.
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February 1, 2014 at 3:08 pm
Exactly. Every single service has a fee and I feel some of them are overlaps.
I could have been much much cheaper but this is for the living.
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January 31, 2014 at 7:41 pm
This is for cremation? I always thought that was a cheap way to go. Isn’t there some way you can just say au revoir (sp?) without it costing a small fortune?
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February 1, 2014 at 3:07 pm
It is. This is the used car experience not the new caddy. I could have gone cheaper but decided to throw all cares to the wind. 😀
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January 31, 2014 at 7:53 pm
This still seems crazy expensive! I’m with library lady.
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February 1, 2014 at 3:06 pm
I agree. Have you checked some of the services? They seem to overlap. I could have done this lots cheaper but what the heck, this is for the living after all. 😉
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January 31, 2014 at 7:57 pm
$425 for a stationery package? Wow.
Thank you for sharing this. Although macabre, it’s practical information. I agree, the Worldwide Travel Assistance Plan makes good sense. I had a distant family member who died while at a conference overseas. His family had a rather difficult time getting his body back. No grieving loved ones should ever have to face that added burden.
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February 1, 2014 at 3:04 pm
I’ve heard about a couple of travelers stuck far away from home and having to deal with this.
The stationery will include the guestbook, religious cards and/or commemorative book marks etc. You never know how many you’ll need. Another thing I CUT out $500 for the DVD (picture of my life) they make which runs throughout the memorial and your family gets to keep. 🙂
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January 31, 2014 at 8:22 pm
It’s always good to be prepared for the inevitable. Most people aren’t prepared and it leave the family to deal with some really tough issues during a time that is difficult enough already.
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February 1, 2014 at 2:59 pm
When my Mom died, it got me thinking but I just kept putting it off because it is kind of an icky subject.
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January 31, 2014 at 8:37 pm
It is amazing what this is costing, but doesn’t surprise me. You are doing a kind and generous thing to take care of this in advance for your family.
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February 1, 2014 at 2:56 pm
I could have gone much cheaper but decided to loosen my grip and let fly. 😀
Thank you for reading and commenting SK.
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January 31, 2014 at 9:32 pm
You did good! This is a brave and loving thing you did for your family. You are to be commended for showing consideration, love, and a final way for your family to mourn without added pain.
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February 1, 2014 at 2:53 pm
Thank YOU, Kanzen. I have never seen $$ and services involved in a cremation of anything about pre-preparation. It seemed fitting to share such a hidden secret. If it’s not in the open (because people don’t want to talk about it), then it’s a secret. Now, everyone has s.o.m.e. idea. 🙂
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January 31, 2014 at 10:31 pm
Dear Tess, thank you for these brave articles.
My parents arranged their funerals many years ago. I knew the location of the cemetery but had never gone over the details with them. When my father died 4 years ago, I took the papers to the funeral home, planning for respite from all the decisions I’d been forced to make and all the stress of the past 3 weeks. But I knew the funeral was one aspect of his death I wouldn’t have to worry about.
How shocked I was to discover that the only thing my parents had chosen and paid for was the grave site. I had to select everything else, all the items you’ve outlined above. My mom, suffering from Alzheimer’s and grief, couldn’t help. Others in the family who should have helped, declined. (Decline is a nice word for abandoned their responsibility.)
Shortly after burying my father, I made similar choices for my mom and paid all her expenses. In her sorrow and confusion, she stood at my father’s grave about a year later and asked where she would be buried. It was one of the last articulate questions she has asked.
I was able to tell my mom that she would rest by his side as she had lived for 63 years. That small comment assured her, and at that one moment, she felt some peace.
You are giving your loved ones a great gift. I know they will realize it one day. As difficult as all this was for you to face, it is so much worse when the person you love has died, and you have to choose for them, through your tears.
You made wise choices, Tess, the wisest being that you made choices. Paid for them. That is the biggest expense of a funeral: how much it costs the souls of those who love us.
Thank you for putting this out there for everyone to read. Blessings on you. And may you live a long time – we love having you around.
Shari *: )
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February 1, 2014 at 2:50 pm
Dear, dear, Shari: Thank you. I shied away from making these preparations for the past 3+ years since my Mom died. I’m planning a long trip soon and that gave me impetus to do the dead. It felt like I was borrowing trouble when I began. I don’t think about the details though. No thanks. 😀
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January 31, 2014 at 11:04 pm
Love the itemization – thank you for posting the gory details, Ms. Tess. That really breaks it down. Now I know what categories to try to dicker with them about when I go to take care of such plans. I think I’m in the wrong profession…
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February 1, 2014 at 2:46 pm
Exactly. I’ve never seen what is involved before. My Mom pre-prepared but there were five siblings to pick up where she left off when she was gone. I have only one daughter, so…
I feel a lot of the services seem to overlap.
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January 31, 2014 at 11:32 pm
Tess what a wonderful thing you have done for your family. I think it shows a lot of responsibility, and a lot of love. They will be thanking you while they are grieving, and appreciating you and your thoughtfulness. I admire you for doing this.
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February 1, 2014 at 2:44 pm
I remember how it was when my Mom left us. Sure she had pre-prepared but still there’s so much to take care of. I keep promising myself I’ll declutter too. That’s on my list. and a big job for those left behind.
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February 1, 2014 at 9:00 pm
I have thought about the clutter I’ve accumulated. The over 1000 books will be a nightmare enough. And that was after getting rid of 1000 when we downsized! Another wise thing to start looking in to.
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February 2, 2014 at 1:53 pm
My books, I’m afraid, are going to be a problem too. They’re about holding up my house I have so many.
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February 2, 2014 at 8:48 pm
I know! People ask me what my decor is and I say “books”. 🙂
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February 3, 2014 at 12:04 pm
Ha ha ha ha ha. I have no wall space for books. 😀
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February 3, 2014 at 7:35 pm
I have no wall space BECAUSE of books! 🙂
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February 3, 2014 at 10:05 pm
EGG-zak-ely! 😀
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February 4, 2014 at 5:48 am
😉
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February 1, 2014 at 1:08 am
Dear Tess,
Thank you for this article. ❤ I am the practical kind, and don't want to burden my family either, but know I can get under the wire for much less than this. My family bought handmade (not provided) urns for our parents and when they were both gone, bought a double handmade urn to inter them together as my dad had wished. You have shown so much love toward your family by making the plans and paying for them now. I am in the process of planning for myself, and you have been so caring and helpful with this.
Love,
Gail
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February 1, 2014 at 2:38 pm
Thank YOU, Gail. I had no intention of spending this much. The only place I like spending money is in the grocery store but I got carried away a little bit, didn’t I?
I’m worth it, aren’t I? 😉
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February 2, 2014 at 11:45 pm
You’re worth it!
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February 3, 2014 at 11:59 am
😀
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February 1, 2014 at 1:40 am
I am going to insist that my kids choose the cheapest possible option!
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February 1, 2014 at 2:35 pm
Ha ha. Not sure if you’re talking about them looking after you or looking after their own preparations.
Pity those who throw money around for a posh send-off when the person sent can’t enjoy it. Ha ha.
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February 1, 2014 at 2:34 am
This is a really good thing you’ve done for your family. There’s something kind of chilling about seeing the itemised list though, it’s kind of cold and clinical, as if it’s some home renovations or something! I mean, I’m not sure what the alternative would be to that kind of list, but you know what I mean! Hey, it’s done though now right? You can forget about it and get back to your routine.
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February 1, 2014 at 2:33 pm
Thanks, Vanessa. It is clinical but what gets me are the services that sound like overlaps.
Used to be you didn’t get an itemized list, just a bill but they have to spell everything out.
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February 1, 2014 at 2:41 am
Whoa that’s a lot of money.
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February 1, 2014 at 2:30 pm
It’s more than I expected. Look at the overlaps. It’s awful. Everyone has a hand out.
Anyway, this is more for the living anyway. 🙂
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February 1, 2014 at 9:00 am
Yowzer! Nothing is cheap these days is it? Every little thing is charged to the max, rip-off ville. You family will thank you greatly though for taking care of this ahead of time (and you have thought of everything!) but now you can put this all behind you and forget about it and live your life, for many, long, happy and healthy years to come 🙂
Bring it on… 🙂 x
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February 1, 2014 at 2:22 pm
Thank you and I will too, except I have to go back and get my birth date changed. The month and date are correct but I wasn’t born in 2013. Isn’t that hilarious?
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February 2, 2014 at 2:52 pm
A big typo there then…crazy!!
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February 3, 2014 at 12:18 pm
Ticked me off. 😉
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February 3, 2014 at 12:24 pm
I bet 😉
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February 1, 2014 at 2:12 pm
I’m afraid to ask but–you are healthy, aren’t you? Nothing imminent? Is this just something you Always Planned to Do?
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February 1, 2014 at 2:17 pm
Jacqui, you are a jewel. 🙂
After my Mom died three+ years ago, I’d been thinking I should do this but kept shoving it to the back burner. In October, I planned a trip to far, far away. The idea came back to the front burner and I turned up the heat. Don’t tell anyone. I’ll tell soon ;-).
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February 1, 2014 at 3:29 pm
Thanks for showing your list. Even though I live in the US, I think the costs are probably comparable. I won’t need any of the things connected with ‘Ceremony’. I also won’t need the casket, the stationery, the clergyman, newspaper notice, or any catering. I’m going with no frills. 😉
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February 1, 2014 at 4:58 pm
I’m glad this peek at the list helps you see what choices you can make or turn down. 😉
Not a great subject though, right?
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February 1, 2014 at 5:38 pm
That’s a longer list to consider than I appreciated. Every aspect covered. This series of posts has been helpful in highlighting the detail that one needs to consider. My mother is starting to talk about a living will and that alone is a little disconcerting. But it is about her and not about me and it has to be her call.
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February 2, 2014 at 1:58 pm
One reason I did this for myself instead of leaving instructions.
Once I stumbled around this information, I wondered why it’s not a subject that’s spoken about more. Okay, no-one likes the subject but the details, my gosh, I had no clue about anything.
My Mom did her own pre-preparation and left instructions, which made decision making easier for us siblings.
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February 1, 2014 at 11:05 pm
So many choices and considerations. And too easy an undertaking to put off, I suppose. Serious food for thought, no matter one’s age.
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February 2, 2014 at 1:46 pm
I didn’t realize this until my Mom passed away and still it’s taken me three years to jump in and just do it.
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February 2, 2014 at 8:47 am
I think we were very fortunate with both my mom and dad, we did not opt for any frills and though they passed within 11 months of each other the costs were very low. No frills cremation, under $5000 for the both of them and they had already paid for it years ago, this cost included the urns which were then interred in the plot already paid for and engraved with all but the date of their passing (also already paid for). The memorial service was held at the church they had attended for years and was a gift from the church, food was contributed from all the members.
My other mother arranged her cremation and having her ashes spread 30 years ago. Now, how she wanted them spread is illegal. But we will work that one out some other way. She paid something like $1,500 at the time.
My body is being donated to science.
I think what you have done is wonderful. Even though it was nerve wracking, it is a wonderful gift to your family.
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February 2, 2014 at 1:44 pm
It’s true when you go to a regular church, the end is less financially dependent although my mother left money for the kitchen help at the church.
Val, I could care less about the frills. This is more for my daughter and family. 🙂
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February 2, 2014 at 11:05 am
I’ve always told my kids that when I die I want them to play “Spirit In The Sky” by Norman Greenbomb. If nothing else, I hope they can pull that off. I also have a big savings account for my daughter to use for my expenses. She can go as cheap or as rich as she wants. I’ll be at my own party. Enjoy always, T
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February 2, 2014 at 1:41 pm
I love that song.
Indeed. That’s why I took the reins so my daughter doesn’t have to decide what, why or where.
Nice to see you Tricia.
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February 2, 2014 at 12:36 pm
I liked this ..cause that was the option lol..the subject matter does suck but hurrah to you for facing the inevitable head on to make arrangememts and know your family won’t have to fret over particulars or money. My parents have done the same, although to tell you the honesf truth as their kid, id rather deal with the arrangements then the garage and closets..I can’t afford right now to prepay for my demise but I am lightrning my load as far as material possessions..course then again..hooefully I have plenty of time to have a mansion..and shoes amd clothes galore someday…;-). I love what you said about not letting anyone see you …keep em guessing. Yes indeed 🙂
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February 2, 2014 at 1:39 pm
Ha ha. I like where you’re coming from. As well, I must get rid of stuff I can’t decide about. You’re right about dealing with the clearing out. When my Mom passed away three years ago, that was a b.i.g.g.e.r. than I could have imagined had I ever thought about it.
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February 3, 2014 at 11:09 pm
I think after my grandparents passed and the fact it took my mom and aunts and uncles months to get it all sorted and disbursed, the fact much of it went to charity and stuff..it just seems like, on one hand there were a lot of memories tied up in some of that stuff but the ratio of treasures in what ever form whomever found to junk…it was exhausting and emotionally draining.
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February 4, 2014 at 9:47 am
It was mind-boggling clearing out my mom’s house and we were several siblings. Of course, it also takes organization and when no-one understands that, things don’t progress well. 😀
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February 4, 2014 at 10:14 am
Heh heh.. that it a bit.of a problen in this family 😉
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February 4, 2014 at 12:09 pm
*Sigh*
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February 2, 2014 at 3:51 pm
Geez . . . dying is an expensive proposition, isn’t it? How nice of you to do this for your family.
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February 3, 2014 at 12:15 pm
Heh heh. I want to make sure they just bury me in the backyard. 😀
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February 3, 2014 at 3:20 pm
As keep saying, you are one smart lady.
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February 3, 2014 at 5:07 pm
Ha ha ha. Looking our for my interests is a good thing.
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February 2, 2014 at 5:21 pm
$800 for “coordinating rites and ceremonies? What is that?
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February 3, 2014 at 1:20 am
Fred yells down the hall, “You add that on yet?”
Astrid yells back, “Yep.”
Rites and ceremonies are now coordinated.
Cost: should be priceless, but it’s $800. 😉
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February 3, 2014 at 1:43 am
Good Grief!
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February 3, 2014 at 10:58 am
They’re going to get the end cost no matter what they have to call something, even if it’s the same thing described twice. I notice that as well when it came to having a priest officiate.
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February 3, 2014 at 10:56 am
Yes, I noticed that in more place than one. A lot of goobley-gook to get the price they want because now they have to explain all costs.
Thanks for joining in, Sharon.
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February 3, 2014 at 12:12 pm
Goobley-gook as far as I’m concerned. They now must itemize everything. I think this is padding to get the end total. 😦
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February 2, 2014 at 7:03 pm
Just attended the burial of a friend two weeks ago who was cremated and was stunned at the cost of the service. It seems to be highway robbery, but there is nothing we can do about it, unfortunately.
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February 3, 2014 at 12:09 pm
With pre-planning you have a chance to think and eliminate unnecessary expenses.
I agree, it is robbery.
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February 2, 2014 at 10:53 pm
It’s all so very amazing, this last trip in life we take. You’ve done a bang-up job of thinking of everything.
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February 3, 2014 at 11:59 am
I hope I have. 😀
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February 3, 2014 at 7:38 am
Thank you for bringing this rather depressing subject to our attention. It’s quite sad that every little service has a price, just seems a bit tawdry to be putting a price on every last little thing that you do for someone. I really need to investigate this idea of pre-arranging. Here is SA you can buy a funeral policy but from what I have heard it never pays out enough to cover the costs.
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February 3, 2014 at 10:52 am
Years ago you saw only the final cost. Now everything must be itemized. Still some of that itemization sounds like the same thing only re-listed on next line differently.
Thanks for joining the conversation. 😉
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February 3, 2014 at 8:53 am
Well I am glad you have this all looked after now Tess. Now you can stop thinking about it and resume life as usual! Great info though and of course you included catering to make sure everyone would be fed, still hosting the party from the other side. Class! 🙂
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February 3, 2014 at 10:50 am
Yep. That’s me.sitting here in my PJs. All class!
The itemized list is a little cold but you’re right. The dead is done. 🙂
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February 3, 2014 at 10:18 am
It must be weird seeing the itemized bill when you made the arrangements. I admire your courage and initiative. It’s amazing how it adds up so quickly.
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February 3, 2014 at 10:46 am
I try not to look at it too closely, but must have looked at it somewhat because some of the services seem to overlap. Better still, I’ll just file it and forget it. Another job scratched off my list.
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February 3, 2014 at 11:03 am
Now that you got all of this taken care of, be sure to stick around a good long while, OK?
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February 3, 2014 at 12:26 pm
You betcha. The idea is in 30, 40 or 50 years when I need this service, cost will have gone up 500% and I get mine 500% cheaper (today’s prices). 🙂
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February 3, 2014 at 11:17 pm
Couldn’t we all just melt away like the witch in The Wizard of Oz? Oh Tess, you are so brave. While I have it written that it should be cremation, I haven’t done the planning you have.
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February 4, 2014 at 9:45 am
I’ve been pushed to do something after putting it off, because I’m planning a b.i.g. trip. More later. 😀
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February 4, 2014 at 10:32 am
You are a very organised lady and has one of the other bloggers said, please make sure that you stick around for a very long time 🙂
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February 4, 2014 at 12:08 pm
My aim is 30, 40 or 50 years. Have to get my money’s worth.:-D
😀
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February 5, 2014 at 1:38 pm
Have to say – the thought of doing this has not even crossed my mind. I should be getting my organ donor’s card any day now, and I have a funeral policy that covers me for a goodly sum. What worries me the most is what happens to my house and it’s contents when I die? Don’t want the kids to fight about my stuff – I know how it can be when you don’t want to let go of cherished memories. Suppose I’ll have to take that decision away from them.
Still, much as I sometimes just want it all to end, I don’t think I’m ready to die just yet – still have a whole lot of loving and living to do!!
PS – C’s sister lives in Toronto somewhere – we might very well go there for a visit – just make sure you have not used the above document before then 😉
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February 5, 2014 at 2:09 pm
Toronto? Wow, wouldn’t it be something we somehow we might have a coffee together? I’m about an hour away. 🙂
Another part, a sub-section to this post one is coming up next.
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February 5, 2014 at 11:00 pm
Tess, this post just makes me sad. I advent yet read the others so maybe I am missing something. You are SO caring and SO generous. You looking after your loved ones one sad day in the distant distant distant future, even as an angel makes me think: but they will want to do something for you. I would. They definitely would. You have relieved them of financial worries and my guess is that in return, from your cloud, you will see a botanical garden of the most beautiful flowers. But is too sad to even write that far into the future even though we will all have our own clouds one day! Love to you! 🙂
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February 6, 2014 at 8:09 am
Just want to make sure the kids don’t buy me in the back garden next to the cat. 😉
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February 6, 2014 at 4:27 pm
Hahaha!!! You are so sweet – and hilarious! 🙂
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February 6, 2014 at 9:35 pm
If we take ourselves too seriously, we will expire before our time. 😀
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February 16, 2014 at 4:26 pm
Valuable information! Just read your back garden next to the cat comment! You are a crack up!
Now I don’t feel that bad about clicking LIKE. LOL>
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February 17, 2014 at 10:01 am
Going through this process (taking care of the business end), was not pleasant at first but I grit my teeth and finished.I had to lighten up. Didn’t want to bore anyone. Thanks for reading and commenting. Nice to see you again.
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