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Genre: Drama / Humor
A Little Malarkey
Grandma Mercy had no patience for wimps nor fools. In her book, Sidney fit both categories. “How’d you ever hook up with a fool like him?”
“Now MeeMa. What’s done is done. No point tempting your blood pressure. He’s a good man.” Celeste paced the hundred-year kitchen, stepping on the creaky spots she still remembered. Freckled and ponytailed, she looked closer to eighteen than thirty. ”I’d like tea. You want tea? Where’s the kettle?”
“Sure. Made double chocolate brownies yesterday. The man’s hands are softer than a baby’s brand new skin.” Grandma reached into a cupboard for the treat tin and another for cups and saucers.
“He’s a scholar. A University Prof. What’s wrong with that?” She watched the gas flame catch beneath the beat up kettle. “Where’s the one I bought you for Christmas?”
“The man’s never done an honest day’s work. What? This one still works. New means better, does it? How long you known him?”
“Off and on—about five years. Why don’t you like him?”
“I said no such thing. So he’s a scholar, but a mighty slow thinker. Asked him did he want vanilla ice cream with his cherry pie at lunch. Both homemade, I told him. I thought we lost him in a black hole somewhere till he blinked and dipped his head, which I took for a nod. I guessed right ‘cause he dug in. I wonder how long does it take to pick out a pair of socks every morning.”
“You’re talking about my husband. My husband.” Celeste, arms crossed, watched Grandma Mercy arrange brownies on a chipped plate. The kettle whistled. She snapped the knob to off and carried the boiled water to the kitchen table. “Brownies smell heavenly. Oops. Forgot the sugar for your tea.”
“You’re my favorite granddaughter, ‘course you’re the only one, but I hope you haven’t made a huge mistake. Who’s gonna look after who? Tell me that.” She stirred the tea with vigor, studying the dark liquid.”
“These aren’t the old days, MeeMa. We aren’t farming or homesteading. I guess we’ll look after each other.” Celeste reached for the older woman’s hand. “Don’t worry. We’ll be fine.”
Gray eyes, still clear and sharp, studied her over the rim of the teacup. “I wonder.”
“What do you mean? You’d met him before and never said one word. Why now?”
“Sure twice for about five minutes and what—a year or two ago? I had no idea you were serious about him. Tell me. Who proposed to who?”
Celeste’s jaw dropped. Tea spilled into her lap and onto the placemat. “Ow-ow-ow. Darn. Darn. That’s hot.” She jumped up unzipping her jeans and hobbled to the bathroom.
Grandma removed the wet placemat and dried the table and chair. “You okay?”
No response, except for gushing water. Then silence. A towel wrapped around her waist, Celeste returned to the kitchen. “No damage done. I’ve hung the jeans on the shower rod to dry. What time is it?”
“Knowing Gramps, he and Sidney won’t be back for hours. I hope he doesn’t bore the boy to distraction. Sit. More tea?”
Celeste took a sip. The tea had cooled. Brows raised she drank again. “Now he’s a boy? Please.” She looked away and smiled in spite of herself.
“So, you did the proposing, eh. I knew it.” Grandma slapped the table. Cups and saucers rattled. Teaspoons twitched and slid. “There’s no order anymore. I don’t understand it.”
“If you must know, we proposed to each other. This is absolute malarkey. What’s it matter?” Tea finished, she huffed, throwing her hands in the air.
“Book smart is one thing—common sense is another. Who’s wearing the pants in this family? Seems to me he’s a bigger wuss than one of them lap dogs.”
The creak and rattle of the old farm truck announced its imminent arrival. Rounding the corner, it swung into the gravelled yard in a cloud of dust, scattering the few free roaming chickens. And skidded to a stop. “I guess Gramps proved me wrong. Bless him for not overwhelming the poor boy with our country ways.”
One door creaked open and slammed. Then the other. The women gaped. Singing? Not one voice, but two, each carrying his own tune like cats in the night after a date gone wrong. Grandma Mercy winced. “Gramps doesn’t drink, nor has he ever carried a tune even in church, not that he’s carrying one now.”
Gripping the table for support, she pitched forward upsetting her chair. Shuffling on twig-thin legs, she aimed for the door. Celeste close on her heels clutched her towel. Grandma Mercy flung open the door, feet apart, arms crossed. “Well, what have we here?”
The men, arms around each other, continued singing, eyes aglow, silly smiles pasted on stupid faces. Grandma stomped a foot. The screeching stopped, a look of pure mischief on their confused faces. “I thought you were out buying a riding lawnmower.”
Sidney and Gramps wove this way and that. If either lost his balance, they’d both end in the dirt. “Hello, Precious.”
“Don’t you precious me. You’re drunk.”
“Old Sam Waters wanted to sell me a broken down mower, but Sidney talked me out of it. He knows machinery. The boy’s smarter than he lets on.” With a free hand, Gramps patted Sidney’s chest.
“You don’t drink. He put you up to this?” Grandma pointed with her chin.
Faces scrunched, the men gawked at each other. Grandpa shrugged, losing his balance. Sydney tumbled over him. Hooting as if they’d lost their minds, they separated, attempted rising to their feet, but fell again.
The door slammed as if a high wind had come up. Grandma and Celeste were gone.
“Guess Sidney’s not such a wuss after all. He’s still a fool.”
The End
© 2015 Tess @ How the Cookie Crumbles.
February 22, 2016 at 8:07 pm
Another good one Tess. Feels a little like Steinbeck.
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February 23, 2016 at 3:51 pm
Thank you, Paulette. I would never come close to Steinbeck but its a lovely, though fleeting thought. 😀 😀 ❤
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February 22, 2016 at 8:09 pm
“Hooting as if they’d lost their minds” I love it. Well done again, Tess. Mega hugs!
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February 23, 2016 at 3:50 pm
As always, thank you, Teagan. I hooted right along with them once they got into the spirit of things. Oops. Did I say spirit? 😀 😀
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February 22, 2016 at 8:30 pm
Looks like Sidney’s going to get the seal of approval after all. Well, after he sobers up a little. 😉
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February 23, 2016 at 3:48 pm
Ha ha. Gramps and Sidney are forever friends now, me thinks. Newcomers to a family are usually on their best behavior. Wonder who instigated the drinking part?
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February 22, 2016 at 9:02 pm
I liked this story. There are so many wonderful moments. “Grandma slapped the table. Cups and saucers rattled. Teaspoons twitched and slid. ” Love this.
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February 23, 2016 at 3:46 pm
John, sure as the sun came up this morning, you have made my day. Thank you. 😀 ❤
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February 23, 2016 at 4:46 pm
So deserved.
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February 22, 2016 at 9:03 pm
What a delightful story. I know no one will be good enough for my daughter when she chooses, so it’ll take some clever answers from her intended to change my mind.
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February 23, 2016 at 3:45 pm
😀 😀 I’m tickled you found this an enjoyable read, Jacqui.
Exactly what you said about no-one being good enough one way or the other. My son-in-law had a knack for my falling in love with him real quick. Before him, I practically shadowed my daughter. ❤ ❤
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February 23, 2016 at 12:07 am
This is adorable. You did a great job of describing the two drunk men. I thoroughly enjoyed this one. 🙂
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February 23, 2016 at 3:43 pm
Thank you, Cathleen. I figured they were already in trouble, might as well push them around a bit. Ha ha ha. ❤ ❤
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February 23, 2016 at 1:07 am
Good one, Tess! Great description and another surprise ending. Loved seeing the scene play out! 💛 Elizabeth
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February 23, 2016 at 3:41 pm
Hi, Elizabeth. Thanks for the visit. Great to see you. ❤ ❤
I was sooo stumped until Grandma Mercy arrived. Oh-oh. 😀 😀 😀 She sure likes things her own way.
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February 23, 2016 at 1:47 am
Ha! Don’t Precious me, either! I can see these guys. I can smell them.
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February 23, 2016 at 3:40 pm
Me too! Thank you, J.B. I giggled myself silly playing with these guys. Glad you enjoyed the story. ❤ ❤
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February 23, 2016 at 1:48 am
So in Grandma’s eyes the mark of a good man is the ability to get drunk!
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February 23, 2016 at 3:38 pm
Not at all. New in the family, Sidney didn’t follow the rules and play proper and nervous and on his toes till he squeaked.
😀 😀 😀
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February 23, 2016 at 3:09 am
Ha! This was a wonderful story Tess. I think Grandpa might be in for a bit of a talking to, but at least Sidney redeemed himself in Grandma’s eyes, no longer being considered as a wuss! 🙂
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February 23, 2016 at 3:37 pm
Guess he does have gumption after all. Ha, and Meema thought Sidney would be bored. 😀 😀 😀
Thank you, Judy. I’m tickled you enjoyed this story. ❤ ❤
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February 23, 2016 at 3:59 pm
It was great! I could really picture them rolling back drunk! 🙂
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February 23, 2016 at 3:37 am
Good ole’ Sydney.. we shall not judge….. etc etc.. great story..
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February 23, 2016 at 3:35 pm
Right-o Gerry. You can’t tell a book by its cover…
Thanks for reading and commenting. Always nice to see you. 😀
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February 23, 2016 at 4:04 am
You painted the characters in full color and they filled the space vibrantly. Maybe the boys will get Grandma Mercy try her first sip of spirits – for medicinal purposes, of course. What a fun story, Tess. The red truck is certainly all smiles.
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February 23, 2016 at 3:34 pm
Thank YOU, Sharon. Black trucks are a dime a dozen. I fell for this red one.
I do hope Grandma Mercy has a taste of what she’s been missing. 😀 😀 😀
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February 23, 2016 at 4:35 am
This is a great story. You got it just right!!
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February 23, 2016 at 3:31 pm
Thank you, Darlene. Couldn’t start for love nor money, but when I did MeeMa led the way. 😀 😀 😀
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February 23, 2016 at 6:06 am
Love your characters and the tone! Great story!
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February 23, 2016 at 3:30 pm
Thanks so much, Lisa. I was lost for a while and then enter MeeMa. ❤ ❤ ❤
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February 23, 2016 at 7:45 am
We can’t judge people at fist glance… the story is nice and good!
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February 23, 2016 at 3:29 pm
I think we judge people by our own weaknesses. Yes?
Thank you for reading and commenting. Glad you enjoyed the story. 🙂
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February 23, 2016 at 8:19 am
That was a great ;little tale Tess. I had no idea how it would end, but happily suits me.
xxx Massive Hugs xxx
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February 23, 2016 at 3:28 pm
Thank you, David. You have made my day.
Pleased you enjoyed. The ending surprised me too. Mega Hugs. 🙂
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February 23, 2016 at 9:12 am
It seems you have met my grandmother.
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February 23, 2016 at 3:27 pm
I have? So, that’s the voice I’ve been hearing from f.a.a.r.r. away. 😀 😀 😀
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February 23, 2016 at 10:47 am
Love, love this truck photo.
Womenlivinglifeafter50.com
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February 23, 2016 at 3:26 pm
The truck got me too. Took some looking but I loved it.
Thanks so much for reading and commenting. Nice to see you. 🙂
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February 23, 2016 at 11:51 am
“Hello, Precious.”
“Don’t you precious me.”
Hahaha – Wonder how many times these words or similar have been said across the world. Wonderful characters, Tess.Jx
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February 23, 2016 at 3:25 pm
Thank YOU, Judith. Indeed. ‘Fine-boned’ MeeMa, tough as a bird, called Precious, had me in stitches. 😀 😀 😀
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February 23, 2016 at 12:02 pm
Great stuff.
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February 23, 2016 at 3:21 pm
Thanks so much! 😀
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February 23, 2016 at 3:42 pm
You’re welcome.
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February 23, 2016 at 2:58 pm
Speaking of ‘who wears the pants anyway?’ …. MeeMa might be just a wee bit overbearing 😉
Grampa sounds like my kind of person 🙂
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February 23, 2016 at 3:21 pm
She sure is! 😀 I like her though, but Gramps MORE. 😀 😀
Thanks for reading, Joanne. I always enjoy your comments. ❤
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February 23, 2016 at 7:25 pm
Wonderful story, Tess. I loved the ending where the two come home drunk and best of buddies.
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February 24, 2016 at 3:48 am
what does it take to get your name erased out of Meema’s bad books especially if your name ticked in there…Twice
but that gram got mouth hey i was rolling on the floor laughing at this
love it
~B
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February 24, 2016 at 3:48 am
The characters all but but jumped of the page…I mean computer screen 😀 Great job, Tess.
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February 27, 2016 at 9:24 pm
Thank you, Cathy. I never know where the story will take me. I love when it’s a success. Thank YOU for your positive response and your continued support. ❤ ❤
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February 28, 2016 at 2:14 am
It’s my pleasure and the sentiment is reciprocated 🙂
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February 25, 2016 at 6:14 am
You always make me happy I don’t indiscriminately delete when I get behind my reading ❤
This is another wonderfully crafted stories, wonderful characters with depth and personality that you simply feel as you read. I can picture them and that makes the story jump off the page.
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February 25, 2016 at 8:32 am
Thank you, Valentine. Your comments made my day. I’m always surprised yet warmed and pleased when someone likes a story. ❤ ❤ ❤
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February 25, 2016 at 7:23 am
Another wonderful story of happy times. I liked the squeaky floorboards, they made the story feel grounded. It’s always the little details that can bring a setting to life. 🙂
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February 25, 2016 at 8:35 am
Thank you phoenixgrey. I am pleased beyond compare you like my story. ❤ ❤ ❤
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February 25, 2016 at 11:58 am
Haha…Grandpa and Sydney had a little too much fun…good for them! Great story Tess, wonderful, took me right there… 🙂 ❤ ❤ ❤
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February 25, 2016 at 6:59 pm
Thanks for the visit, Sherri. Glad you enjoyed the read. Seems Gramps and Sydney are friends for life now. 😀 😀 😉
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February 26, 2016 at 2:21 pm
Lol 😀 Have a great weekend Tess!!
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February 25, 2016 at 11:59 am
Very nice! I love all the details, such as the creaking floor, the tea, etc. Just brings it to life!
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February 25, 2016 at 6:55 pm
Thanks so much, Grace. I’m tickled you enjoyed reading. 😀
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February 25, 2016 at 5:06 pm
Reblogged this on Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life and commented:
Tess Karlinski never disappoints and here is a prime example of her story telling talents. A Little Malarky..
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February 25, 2016 at 6:56 pm
❤ ❤ ❤
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February 25, 2016 at 11:54 pm
I think Sidney will do just fine in that family. And no bigee really who proposed to who. 🙂
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February 26, 2016 at 8:54 am
He certainly has made a friend of Gramps. These are modern times. Sometimes men are afraid of being turned down and the women have to help them. ❤ ❤ ❤
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February 26, 2016 at 10:58 am
That is very true Tess. )
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February 26, 2016 at 8:50 am
Thanks so much, Judy. I’m tickled unbelievable shades of pink. 🙂 ❤ ❤
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February 26, 2016 at 2:13 am
Cute story. 🙂
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February 26, 2016 at 8:55 am
Thank you. I’m happy you enjoyed reading. 🙂
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February 26, 2016 at 4:08 am
You can conjure up the most vivid images and people with just a few words. Fabulous, Tess. And have a happy weekend.
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February 26, 2016 at 8:52 am
Sweet of you to think so, Olga. Thanks so much. Tickled when you enjoy the story. ❤ ❤ ❤
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February 26, 2016 at 9:20 am
This was worth getting up for this morning. Masterful! Reblogging.
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February 26, 2016 at 9:40 am
Bless your heart. Hope your tea or coffee was ready before you sat down. Have a wonderful weekend, Linda.
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February 26, 2016 at 9:21 am
Reblogged this on Nutsrok and commented:
Look what Tess wrote! I love it!
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February 26, 2016 at 9:51 am
I absolutely enjoyed reading this
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February 26, 2016 at 10:37 am
❤ I'm pink with pleasure you enjoyed my story. Thanks so much for visiting and for your kind comment. 🙂
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February 26, 2016 at 10:14 am
I hope Tess appreciates that she is writing literature here, not blogging. She is an amazing writer! Will visit her regularly.
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February 26, 2016 at 10:45 am
Thank you for your generous heart and for stopping by for a read. Nice to make your acquaintance. I will visit you soon too.
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February 27, 2016 at 7:09 am
Such a great story. Favorite line…about Gramps carrying a tune… “not that he’s carrying one now.” Perfect. ☺
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February 27, 2016 at 1:51 pm
I’m delighted you liked the story. Thank you for your kind support. ❤ ❤ ❤
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February 27, 2016 at 9:12 pm
Great story. You can’t judge a book by it’s cover. 🙂
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February 27, 2016 at 9:21 pm
So true. Some people are too opinionated. Young or old. Happens all the time, right? Thanks so much for visiting. Glad you liked the story. ❤
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February 28, 2016 at 2:41 am
Great story Tess!
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February 28, 2016 at 7:55 am
Thank you, Lucy. 🙂
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February 28, 2016 at 9:32 pm
“Silly smiles on their stupid faces”–that part made me crack up! 😀
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February 28, 2016 at 9:37 pm
Glad to hear it. Thank YOU. Some people are morose when they drink, others are so animated, they look like children aiming to please, as contrary a look as you can get.. This is how I saw them in my head. 😀 😀
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March 5, 2016 at 1:46 am
Love the animated type. 😀
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February 29, 2016 at 4:28 am
haha! Yes, he’s still a fool. 🙂 That was too cute. 🙂 MeMaa may eventually come to love him. ❤
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February 29, 2016 at 9:00 am
😀 😀 Good point, Rachael. We should never say never. Anyway, Gramps loves Sydney. That’s a good start!
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February 29, 2016 at 12:13 pm
Too right. 🙂
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March 1, 2016 at 9:40 am
Such an entertaining story, Tess. I love your descriptions. “Tea spilled into her lap and onto the placemat.” So many to choose from! You’re a great writer!
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March 1, 2016 at 2:27 pm
Thanks so much. I’m pleased you’ve enjoyed the story. Wonderful to see you here. Thanks for the visit. ❤ ❤
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March 1, 2016 at 3:45 pm
Enjoyed it, Tess! 🙂
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