How the Cookie Crumbles

Life and scribbles on the far side of SIXTY-FIVE

#BlogBattle 2 – Prompt Thorn


Find the rules at Rachel Ritchie’s blog here.

Genre: Fan Fiction

Prompt: Thorn

Words: 920


She slept long and deep. The man paced and stopped. “You’re awake.”

Piercing jade eyes glowered in the near dusk. Thick sheets of dark hair covered her like a blanket.

“You’re curled so small. Let me help you.” His blood raged when they touched. Knees limp as young clover, he kept his balance. The girl slapped away his hand and rose unaided. Spellbound, he watched her gaze about—a head shorter than he—blue-black tresses swung in slow motion, her movement fluid as water.

A low whistle escaped his lips. “The Creator made you a different design. Interesting. I like.” Man stroked his chin. Chest and arm muscles bulged. He circled her with the ease and stealth of a cat, while his blood stirred as never before.

“Who are you?” The words came slow and spaced apart. She tilted her head.

“I’m…I’m Man. The Creator gifted you to me.”

“What is gifted? What is this place?”

“Paradise.” With open palms, he swung muscle-bound arms about. Bird chatter, insect thrum, and the soft rush of waterfall crammed the garden air. “This is all ours.”

The girl yawned heavy-eyed.

“You are Woman.”

“Wo-man,” she said, sampling the new word. “Wo-man.”

“Come. I have much to show and teach you.” She drew back from his touch.


Days faded into weeks. Where one walked, the other followed. The two roamed the spectacular garden, eating a multiplicity of fruits and nuts abundant to them.

“Have I seen everything? I feel we’ve walked in circles. What’s in the middle of this garden?”

Man bit his lip. “There is something—the most extraordinary tree in the heart of Eden.”

“Show me.”

He could not deny her. “There are rules. You must promise.” She ignored him, traipsing ahead. He tapped her shoulder, chin pointing. They entered a grassy clearing. A snake slithered across their path. Sssss.


“Stop here,” he said a hand on her shoulder.

“Wow.” Woman gasped and pulled on his hand. “What is this tree?”

“Forbidden fruit—The Tree of Knowledge. Everything is ours but not this.”

“Why not? This makes sense to you?”

“Enough. We must leave.”

The next day, Man could not find her. Desperate, he searched everywhere. “Woman. What are you doing here again? Stand back.”

“They reflect my image. Se-e-e.”

“You’re playing with fire. Come.”

Another day, Woman disappeared again. He found her in the orchard once more. “You mustn’t come here ever again! Temptation is great.”

On her third visit, she crept closer and gaped, entranced.

“Go ahead. Touch it.” The voice drew her like a magnet.

“Who’s there? Where are you?”

“Here I am. Sssss.” An over-sized, brown frog-like face peered out among the branches, spiked tongue flicking.

“I’ve seen you before. You speak?”

“Come closer. Closer. I won’t bite.” Hypnotic murmurs tugged till the woman lost all resistance.

Snap! She plucked the lustrous orb and thrust it into her mouth. Juice oozed over her chin. “S-o-o good.”

Man materialized out of thin air. “What have you done?”

“Taste.” She brandished the bitten apple beneath his nose. The sky dimmed, the garden faded into dull shadows of gray. The wind shrieked and blew a wild streak of swirling breath around them. The animals hushed and disappeared.

“No. I can’t.”

“Why can’t you do something I want for a change?


“I’ll play your favorite games all night if you wish. Come o-on. You won’t be sorry.” She twirled the red and white fruit before his mouth.

Man tore into the offered fruit. Before he swallowed, thunder crashed and lightning ripped the sky.

“OUT. No more free lunch for you. A deal’s a deal.”

“I’m sorry, my Creator…”

Woman pouted. “Wuss. Don’t blame it on me. You could have said no.” She fixed a claw-like grasp on his forearm.

Man’s mouth flapped.

“Don’t look at me.” Woman stopped, pensive. She flung his arm away, aware of their nakedness for the first time. Examining a grove of massive leaves, she seized Man’s wrist. “Help me tear this off. She shielded her body from the angry rain and his ever-watchful eyes.

“Rip off another.” She winced, tracing a map of his frame in her head, from shoulders to waist to heels. “This one’s for you. For heaven’s sake, cover yourself.”

“All is not lost, Woman. We still have each other.”

“Sure we do. And a bun in the oven. I see you’ll to be a thorn in my side for the rest of my days.”

The rain pelted their tender skin like buckshot though they had no knowledge of what that was. The wind bawled and churned. “Where will we spend this night of fury?” Rain and wet hair lashed her face. One hand braced against the leaf, she spun round to place an open hand against his chest. “Well? I need to dry off and soon.”

Man shook his head, free hand raised to the sky in supplication. Fingers of lightning shot towards the ground followed in a nanosecond by a deep grunt of thunder.

The Creator roared in anger. “As you said, Man. Not all is lost. Now you must work hard for a living instead of savoring the cushy life I had planned with her for you.

Man hung his head. When he glanced up, Woman shook her head. “Let’s go. Do I have to do everything around here?”

The lashing rain turned to a fine drizzle. The animals peered around bushes and from the trees and watched two round-shouldered figures trudge into the night until they vanished.

The End

© 2017Tess @ How the Cookie Crumbles.

Author: Let's CUT the Crap!

I'm getting a little LONG in the tooth and have things to say about---ouch---AGEing. I believe it's certainly a state of mind but sometimes it's nice to hear that you're NORMAL. I enjoy reading by the truckload. I'm a grandma but I don't feel OLD although I'm not so young anymore. My plan is to stick it out as long as I can on this lovely planet and only will leave it kicking and screaming!

50 thoughts on “#BlogBattle 2 – Prompt Thorn

  1. Nicely done Tess. Vivid scene descriptions like “lavishing rain turned into fine drizzle” bring the action alive. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Tess, you never fail to impress. Nice work. Mega hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Excellent, as usual. Your prose always impresses me

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Love the spin you put on this.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I like you telling of an old tale. This time though it seems new again.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Now I understand. It is all so clear.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I lie your take on Adam and Eve.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Pingback: #BlogBattle 2: Jan 17th “Thorn” Entries & Voting | BlogBattle

  9. A very interesting twist on a well-know Bible story. Well done, Tess, it was enjoyable.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I love where your pen takes us, great writing Tess!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. The imagination you have and the ability to send us along this road of story telling is absolutely perfect. I love your style and descriptive work,, all so original. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  12. A very imaginative take on the story 🙂 Great stuff, as always, Tess.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. That feels about right…….

    Liked by 1 person

  14. And that’s the way it was … a thorn on her side, for sure. 🙂 Great read….

    Liked by 1 person

  15. I loved this Tess, you tell such a compelling story! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Eloquent as usual, Tess. Vivid descriptions and all. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Excellent story, Tess. Compelling work.xx

    Liked by 1 person

  18. A great take on this well-known tale. Very realistic.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. At first I thought, “robots,” then Adam and Eve, then, wow! So fun to read, your writing is amazing!

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Beautifully expressed new version of the beginning of time with man, woman, temptation, and repercussions. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Tess you have taken such a well known bible story and turned it into a piece of writing that had me glued to the screen waiting for your next words. So vivid was your description it made me feel as though I was a peeping Thomasina. Wonderfully composed as always my dear.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. LOL As soon as Wo-man showed up I was like ‘oooooooo, she’s gonna cause trouble.’ lol That was quite vivid! ❤


  23. why did it take me a week to find this? WP sucks; I enjoyed this one and will now hunt out this week’s and not leave it so long…